Portsmouth Poet Laureate

http://www.portsmouth.co.uk/newshome/Portsmouth-in-search-for-its.6657362.jp

What a coincidence. Just when you think you might be needing a new job shortly, the fates provide you with one. The Poet Laureate of Portsmouth.

Of course, there is an accumulating bandwagon of support suggesting that I should 'allow my name to go forward' and it could have its moments if one were to be given the job. One thinks about it for about a nano-second before remembering that one is Portsmouth's answer to Philip Larkin, not John Betjeman.

One shudders at contriving the invitations to go into schoools to promote poetry without a bodyguard; one realizes that 'civic occasions' will require more celebrations of Nelson, the Ark Royal or 'Play Up Pompey' than satires on council corruption, Mike Hancock's latest dolly bird or unpatriotic thoughts about not going to war; there might be a need to present odes and panegyrics at the Portsmouth Festivities; one might need to research naval history, Dickens, and ignore the fact that although this city is the main gateway to France and the rest of Europe, it often prefers to look inwards rather than outwards.
And, of course, the post is 'honorary', which means there's no wages. Not even the big pile of bottles of booze that I've seen a picture of Ted Hughes with. That would at least be a start.

I'm not sure, but I'm not convinced I'm the public figure they have in mind.
I dare say they'll ideally appoint an outgoing, larger than life enthusiast for verses and most likely a 'performance poet' who can enliven an event with audacious rhymes and grand gestures. I'll look forward to supporting whoever gets the job, the Portsmuthian Ian Macmillan perhaps, but I somehow, and slightly reluctantly, I'm afraid, have to suggest that it isn't going to be me.